Jagr Jobbing The Kid

Says he's a diver.  Waaaawaaaawaaaaa Whinegers.

WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Just a fantastic win for the Pens today over the Whingers.

The crucial home ice sweep feels great.

The Staal Tactic was all over the ice.

The game was not well officiated, but it was officiated consistently,

And that's all that we can ask for.

LET'S RECAP THIS THING

1st Period-

Los Pens come out with a sense of urgency.

Los Rags come out with a sense of wanting to go home.

The Pens got the majority of the chances.

Many of them came on the PP, which counts the same.

However, they did not score, which was a shame.

El Sid was hauled down from behind.

Jagoff thought it was a dive.

Sorry Jags, not working right now.

Sid had no chance.

But as we all know, El Sid gets preferential treatment.

Check out the Bullshit Bulletin sometime, and you'll see how bitter they are.

The Whingers and Pens battle to a scoreless period.

2nd Period-

Los Pens come out a bit flat.

Los Rags come out stronger.

But then lives changed.

The Pens got a powerplay.

Yes, it was a good call.

Bugsy missed TWO quality chances.

The Staal Tactic was not to be denied.

Wicked fake.  1-0.

The defense was clamping down.

3rd Period-

Los Pens come out playing strong defense.

Los Rags don't have the sense of urgency.

The Whingers got a few PP's.

They were, for the most part, legit calls.

But no cigar.  What a PK today.

A few minutes were left.

Martin Straka scores.

But the whistle blew.

He was bitching and moaning.

Shut up, dick.

Then, Syko took a high stick.

The Pens were shorthanded.

It mattered not.

Adam Hall banks it off the glass towards the empty net.

USS gave chase.

Hall scores.

Avery tries to hurt MAF, who was obviously in another world.

USS, BGL, and Mad Max make him pay.

Way to go.

Ballgame.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jagoff- Whinger coach Tom Renney.  Shut up dick.

3 Stars-

1. MAF

2. Staal Tactic

3. The fans.  Way to go.

WOOOOOOOOOO!

Pens Rangers Gameday

Biggy at the Igloo today.

Pens can take the commanding lead with a win, or they can lose, surrender home ice, and go to their house of recent horrors tied 1-1.  Clearly, Pens fans prefer the first option.  A win tomorrow and a 2-0 series lead would require the Rags to beat the Pens 4 of 5 games, something that is not particularly possible at this moment in time.  

Sean Avery = a dirty pompous f**k.

Somebody please knock his sorry ass out of the series and end his career.

May he rot in Hell.

DuBeast has been doing it lately.

Hossa seems to have worked out, eh.

And the USS Hal Gill is self explanatory.

All the perfect buttons pushed by Shero.

And they are paying dividends.

LET'S GO PENS!

Playoff Hockey

Tell me that this Pens team isn't ready for playoff hockey.

That's what I've been hearing.

I hear the Crosby haters and Anti-Penguinites.

I hear Sid being hated everywhere I turn.

Hate this:

Game winning shot, get a tip, and kaboom. 

One shot one kill.  That's all it takes.

I don't have time right now for an outstanding recap.

You know what happened.

This team is for real.

This series will be something else.

Go Pens.

Pens Rangers: Series Preview/My 5 Cents

OK, it has been decided with the Caps loss to the Cryers.

The Rangers of New York vs. The Penguins of Pittsburgh.

This, ladies in gentlemen, will be one Hell of a series.

The Pens and Rangers are the two best teams in the Eastern Conference, regardless of what the final regular season standings looked like.  Of course, these two teams both boast fantastic goaltending, some clutch goal scorers, solid young defenseman, proven coaches, a HUGE home ice advantage (belonging to the Pens in this case), and a hate for each other nearly unparalleled.

I'm going to cut to the chase:

Keys to the series:

The home ice factor- the Pens own the advantage, and must utilize it.

Goaltending- Henry and MAF cannot slip up, or they will pay the price.

Timely goals- Sid, Geno, Bugsy, Hossa, Sykora and co. must outdo Gomez, Drury, and Jags.

Buckle up.  It will be a Hell of a battle.

Pick: Pens in 6.

Nobody can beat them right now 4 out of 7 times.  Nobody.

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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE PENS WIN THE PENS WIN THE PENS WIN!

A SWEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not even giving you a write up.

I'm watching Jay Caufield talk!

WE WIN!

Yes!

You know what happened!  WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Pens Sens Gameday

Heatley spelled it.  Shame.

The Pens have been bestowed with a chance to find sweet vengeance in an arena that spelled the end to a terrific season last year.  The BIG difference between last year about this time, and this year, is that the Pens are a year better.  Guys like Syko, Hoss, Gill, Dupuis, Sykora, and Letang have added depth and an explosion of offensive talent and pyrotechnics.  Combine those select few names with the likes of a 30 goal Ryan Malone, an offensively thrilling Gonchar, a recently unbeatable goaltender, and a few guys named Crosby and Malkin who have helped out just a bit, the Pens are primed to reverse the fortunes and send the Senaturds packing tomorrow night.  

Last game, Cryin' Bryan bullshitted us into thinking that Danny Alf was not even close to playing, which he went on to do.  Alf made a huge difference in the game, moving along at blazing speeds of up to .3 miles per hour, and firing one quality shot on MAF.  

The way I see it, the Sens have 3 superstar caliber players who make up the whole team.

Right now, those guys would seem to shape up to look like this:

One of them is playing hurt and has been awful the entire series.

Another is a hobbled captain who is nowhere near ready to play, but does anyway.

The last one is a drunk driving hooligan who has also gone missing in this series.

The team's goalie, Ray Emery, led them to a Cup Final last year vs. Anaheim.

Sorry, the backup goalie, I mean.  

Swiss Cheese Gerber is now in.  

He has given up 4 goals per game in this series.

Excellent effort he has turned in!

Lights out.

Peace.

Penultimate Nail In The Coffin

Nice night to be a Pens fan, eh?  The Pittsburgh Penguins took it to the Sens tonight, and beat them fair and square.  A few breaks from the officials helped, I admit, but Ottawa was not winning this game in any event.  The Pens outplayed them, outworked them, outhit them, and outscored them.  Timely scoring and those other elements will generally combine for a win.  It also doesn't hurt to turn ol' Marty Gerber into Swiss Cheese.  

LET'S RECAP THIS THING

1st Period-

Ottawa dominates in the first ten minutes.

The Pens seem to be overwhelmed.

The atmosphere at SBP is fantastic.

It would soon quiet.

The Sens move forward with the puck.

The Pens trap turns them away.

A few penalties, one for each team.

Chris Neil messes with Letang.

Punches him in the face.

Then tries to sell it like he is a victim.

Joke.

MAF is facing many a shot.

He is stopping many a shot.

Swiss Cheese is facing shots.

Swiss Cheese is stopping shots.

Goaltenders are the story.

TIME.

2nd Period-

The Sens once again are gunning.

MAF makes a few saves.

Ryan Whitney comes onto the ice.

He loses his jock on a Spezza flip.

Spezza's only appearance of the series.

Foligno beats RW19.

He beats MAF.

Just trickles through the wickets.

Not a whole long time later....

DuBeast sends it cross ice to Hoss.

Hoss flips to Talbot.

Behind the D.  

Into the net.

Between the wickets of Swiss Cheese.

There was little else to discuss.

TIME.

3rd Period-

Sid wins the faceoff.

He gets open.

He gets the puck.

Vermette pinches to hit Sid.

He MISSES BADLY.

Sid has a 2 on 1 with Hoss.

Sid does it himself.

Sneaks it in with a rocket.

1 minute later:

A little battle on the boards.

Divine intervention, and the puck flies to Staalsie.

Tip in.  It was easy.  It was a dagger.

Chris Neil punches Hal Gill, giving the Pens a powerplay.

The Pens don't score, but more time goes off the clock.

Then, Ottawa goes on the PP.

Staal uses Heatley (DUI's) stick.

He hits himself in the face, and draws blood. 

Nice break.  What could he do?  Accident.

Then on the delay call, Bugsy Malone is tripped.

4 minutes or so on the PP.

A few moments go by.

Hossa!

On the doorstep.

Garbage goals count the same.

FORGET IT!

Swiss Cheese.

3 Stars-

1. Hossa.  What a way to respond.

2. Crosby.  Life changing goal.

3. MAF.  What do you need to know?

Errey was fascinated at the sight of GR, who was scratched, on a cell phone.

Looked like a nice phone.  GR awes us even in Mario's box.

Jagoff of the Game- Chris Neil.  Way to lose a game.  Joke.

ONE WIN AWAY FROM THE SWEEP!

Peace.

Game 3 Gameday. Pens at Sens.

Scotiabank Place

On this fine Monday night (yes I did just compliment a Monday), the Pens have an ample opportunity to effectively end their first round series with the Senators by going up 3 games to none, and irreparable margin in the past.  

Big news out of Sens camp is that Jason Spezza, the best player on the team who has not committed manslaughter (tragic) or been injured, is possible to miss the game with a lower body injury he suffered trying to run a Pen into the boards on Friday who did not have the puck.  Spezza has a lower body injury that Cryin' Bryan has refused to divulge with specificity.

Alfie is still out, which only makes things rosier for the Penguins.  He is the heart, the soul, the captain, and the talent of the Ottawa team, and he is not playing.

A win ought to just about seal the deal.

Let's do this Penguins.

Peace.

Briefly Blogging Buccos

Just thought it would be cool to let all of you know out there that I am, actually, still a Bucs fan, though they have not won in my entire lifetime.  Today, beating the living shit out of the Cincicrappy Reds.  X Nady, who has been the best player in the majors to this point in the season, went yard again, as did Jason Bay and Ryan Doumit.  The 9-1 victory comes on the heels of two previous wins over the Reds at PNC, and results in a Pirates sweep.  Shocking, I know.  

Now,  the real games begin.  Scotiabank Place.

TSN  knows what's going on. The one thing is that they still are showing a Sens bias.

HOLY $%*^ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a game! You know what the Hell just happened. Sykora is monsterous. Hoss had a rough one, but we still love the man. RYAN MALONE. WHAT A GAMER. He takes whiplash all night. Head hits the ice, so what? Crosby had 4 assists, if anybody noticed, I mean. Malkin had 3 points, if anybody noticed. The Pens choked big time in the end, but it's the VERY END that counts, and the Pens made that bitch Marty Lapointe pay.

LET'S RECAP THIS THING!

1st Period-
The Penguins come out absolutely gunning.
For once, Gerber is strong.
I don't know how.

He was stoning the Pens for a while.
Then a few jags take some penalties,
and the Pens wind up with a 5 on 3.
We all knew it was coming.
Gonchar from the point, and it's easy.

Sens do nothing on Fleury. Incredible saves, and not many shots.
The Pens just were doing the job.
TIME.

2nd Period-
This was a fun one, for the first ten minutes, anyway.

Malkin skates through the whole team, dishes to Sid,
Then back to Malkin.
Then to Score-a. It was easy.

Malkin then faked a slapper.
Passed to Score-a.
Sold it. It was easy.

Then it stopped being easy.
Life sucked. Bad.

The Pens let some jag go in front.
Donovan, an old time Pens reject.
Not good enough to make the bad Pens teams.
Donovan gets a pass, and tips it top shelf.
Things were fine at that point,
But nobody was thrilled.

Then things get very bad.

Heatley battles through the crowd.
Not that I feel this way, but one sign said:
"SIGNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE... HEATLEY KILLS PEOPLE"
I had to laugh, sorry if you take offense, but it was funny.

Heatley passes in front to Stillman.
It sneaks through the pads of MAF.
We are now a bit pissed off.
TIME.

3rd Period-
The period begins with a golden opportunity.
DuBeast goes to Hossa with a beauty of a fake.
Hossa lets it slide off the tape, and misses the net.

Then things REALLY get bad.  

Rookie Cody Bass.

Ever heard of him?

Probably not.

Bad rebound, and he scores.

Nobody knows how, but it happened.

The Pens outchanced the Sens all night.

The Sens got more in the next moments.

It didn't matter.

MAF found his balls again,

and he was solid for the duration.

MALONE now comes into play.

There is 1 minute left.  

I am scared as Hell.

It didn't matter.

Ruuuuuuuuuuuutttttuuuuuuuuuuu.

Drawing a penalty.

High stick to Lapointe.

What a dumbass.

Malone wraparound.

Yes.  

CAN YOU SAY CLUTCH?

Then he adds an empty netter.

What a monster.

That's all.

3 Stars:

1. Crosby had 4 points.

2. Malkin had 3 points.

3. Malone just did his thing.

I love life.

Jagoff of the Game:  Martin Lapointe.  Deadline bust of the century.  What an idiot.

Peace.

2-0 = Tough To Come Back From

JUST WIN THIS GAME PENGUINS.
No new info that was not present at the start of the last game. Volchenkov is back if it makes anybody care, and Spezza and Heatley are still the only two players on the Senators. Gerber still sucks. Murray is still bitching about his life, and the Pens are still a superior team. Just don't overlook them, and ask to the heavens WWGRD? He'll show us tonight. Go Pens.

Peace.

2-0? Think so.

Easy. Penguins lead it 1-0.

Too easy tonight.
Fleury was out of his mind.
Gerber was very shaky.
Murray was outcoached.
The Pens PK was sick.
The crowd was into it.
I WAS THERE. IT WAS SWEETNESS.
Malkin is amazing.
Gary Roberts is a pimp of a hockey player.
You know what happened.
It is late, so no full recap, sorry.
BUT WHAT HAS NOT BEEN SAID!

Go Pens.

WWGRD?

Peace.

Sens Pens Gameday

Not much I can say that I, or somebody else, has not yet said.
Pensblog has a top notch article on this one. I'm going to try.
I am going to this game. Awesome. Can't contain it.

No Alfie, Kelly, Mike F. This is what we need. Time to pone a noobie or two.
Spezza ooooooooooooohhhhhhhh scary.

Time to kill.

Peace.

Classless Senators Videos

ESPN Playoff Breakdown.

Where's Melrose?
On CNN, Wolf Blitzer asks this- "Who is Sidney Crosby?" Dumbshit.

THE FIRST TEST IS AMONG US

Today, the Pens lost to Philtydelphia, and you know all about that. HCMT threw it away by sitting Crosby, and that sucks. On to greener pastures. THE PENGUINS AND SENS WILL MEET IN ROUND 1 OF THE PLAYOFFS. And vengeance is sweet. The Sens will be without their best player and captain, Dan Alfreddson. Without him, they suck worse than before.

What you need to know about the Sens:
They have 3 exceptional forwards, and 1 decent one.
2 of those 4 players will not be playing in this series!
Their goaltending may well be the worst in the NHL.
The Pens want them badly for revenge.
They have been one of the worst teams in the NHL for the past 2 and a half months or so.
Their defense is very suspect as well.
The PK is spotty, and the forward unit is one dimensional. 2/3 dimensional without Alfie.

Sens are sliding. Pens want them back.

Pens in 4-5 games.

Peace.

NOW TIME TO KILL

30 to game time. Let's kill today.

Milbury: Hossa Has Been A Disapointment

During the second intermission of the Wings and Hawks on NBC, Mad Mike Milbury said that Marian Hossa is what is holding the Penguins back from greatness.  Hardly.  Since coming back from his injury, in roughly 9.5 games, he has notched 10 points, played absolutely fantastic defense.  Pierre, however, says that the Pens are "like a fist" and a great collective unit.  Just one more reason that Mad Mike is a douchebag, and I much prefer Pierre McGuire.  Let's kick some Flyer ass.  Mike "Professor of Goonism Badger Bob" Milbury.  POS.

Pens Flyers Gameday

Pensblog of course.

Very simple. If the Pens win, as they ought to, they play Philly in the first round.
It not, they play the Alfie-less Sens, another easy matchup I would think.

On to the game. The Pens should play the whole team, including Sid and MAF now, as a win secures an easier playoff matchup and the honored top seed.

The Pens will win this game for a few reasons.

a) MAF should be in again. Not very beatable.
b) The Return of Gary Roberts. Philly is screwed.
c) Hossa
d) Crosby/Geno Show
e) Hartnell has awoken the bear.
f) Biron sucks
e) Philly Sucks, and we are the Penguins

GARY ROBERTS IS HERE TO WREAK HELL ON THE WORLD.

He is HUGE for the playoffs. His presence makes a difference alone.
Let's just take care of a quick little order of business first, before the games begin.

Peace.

ROBERTS

Playoff Scenarios and Tomfoolery

                    Yes bitch.  We want it now.

THANKS TO PENSBLOG FOR SHOWING MY YOUTUBE VIDEOS.

With 2 days left, things are clearing up a bit in the Eastern race.  For our Pens, this is the stuff:

Pens clinch #1 seed with win over Flyers or Habs loss to Leafs in regulation time

Pens face Flyers in Round 1 if Pens win in regulation

Pens face Boston is Round 1 if Pens win in OT/SO, and Boston wins vs. Buffalo 

If Pens lose and Habs win, Pens are #2 seed and play likely Boston or Philly.

Unless the WBS team dresses Sunday, I think that the Pens will take the #1 seed with a win.

I want your opinion.

Would you rather play Boston, the inferior team, or Philly, who we would still beat easily.

Philly would take 1 more game or maybe none, but it would satisfy more, and my YouTubes would be insane.  I want Philly, to shut their arrogant SOB fans up.  But Boston would be a nice warmup for the rest of the "second season".

5 DAYS AWAY!  The playoffs will be sick.  To insure maximum awesomeness, Marian Hossa was traded for in a deadline deal.  

To win it all, you gotta beat em all.  Truth.  And we can do it.  NOT being a homer like in Philly!

LET'S GO PENS.  LET'S GO PENS.

Peace.

Richards A Caddy?

Think so.

Still Feels Good

The Pittsburgh Penguins are division champions.  Suck on that in Philadelphia.  Beyotch!  There are many things I love in life, and wreaking Hell on Philly is one of the best!

LET'S RECAP THIS THING

1st Period:

Things start out with a Laraque Cote fight, which BGL dominates.   Many whistles, and the play is rather sleepy.  Out of nowhere, Scott Hartnell, future jagoff of the game, puts home an easy give and go for a goal.  I was not worried.  Hartnell plays dirty more.  A few minutes later, the Penguins march on.  Gonchar takes a hard wrister, there is a screen, and BIRON is the goalie.  It was a powerplay.  It was easy.  GOALLLLLLL!  A couple more minutes fly by, when Carter plugs one home.  Orpik beats up some stiff and play goes on to the end.  TIME.

2nd Period:

There are clearly many scrums in this game.  Scott Hartnell and Coburne are not smart players.  They give up a 5 on 3, and we knew what was coming.  Crosby has a WICKED one timer.   2 for 2 on the PP.  Then, Geno sillies Biron with a goal as time winds down.  TIME.  Lots of fights.

3rd Period:

All you need to know: Crosby with the goal of his year.  Shutdown goaltending.

Goonism from Philtydelphia.  Solid checking line.  AND THEN IT WAS OVER.

My excitement is not matched.

We are going for the whole damn thing.

CHAMPIONS!

Jagoff:

Hartnell.  May he rot in Hell and never walk again and die.

3 Stars:

1. Crosbyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

2. Fleuryyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

2. Hossaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

CHAMPIONS OF THE ATL.